Why Facebook political posts can make us so angry

Do you have friends that drive you nuts with political posts on social media? Me, too.

A friend recently posted something on Facebook that was politically charged and wrote it in a way that suggested anyone on the other side would suffer consequences for supporting such a cause. As you might have guessed, I was on the other side.

I knew I should have just rolled my eyes and scrolled on past it but I gave into the temptation to read the comments. (Such a bad idea!)

I was infuriated by what I read. My gut reaction was to write a quip putting a certain commenter in his place. Luckily, I refrained.

I took a deep breath and walked away. I watered my flowers. Every single one. Inside the house and outside. And despite my best efforts to let it go, I kept fuming. Thinking about what I really wanted to say – to my friend, to the commenters and anyone else that agreed with “them.” Lines had been crossed and there was a battle waging in my heart.

Having practiced mindfulness for the last three years, I now know that whenever my emotions get the best of me, it’s time to hightail it to my meditation space. To breathe, deeply. To calm down. To check in with what’s really going on.

Like a tight bud, I peeled back my feelings one petal at a time.

If I’m being honest, the first layer was ugly. It was good-old-fashioned righteous indignation. I’m right, they’re wrong. I’m good, they’re bad. How can they think that way?

I kept pulling open the bud and the second layer was about fear. What did it mean for the peace and evolution of our planet if so many people, including some of my friends, were filled with such judgment and hate? Yep, still some stinky righteous indignation present.

Then it got a little more real. The next layer was still about fear, but instead of it being about the state of the world (goodbye, righteous indignation), I realized it was really about me (hello, insecurity).

If I deeply disagreed with these people, did it mean there was something wrong with me? Or that my friend didn’t like me, thought I was stupid or even going to hell? (Our gut-wrenching emotions are often overly dramatic. I know mine are…)

Most of us just want to be accepted, liked and loved.

When someone says something that questions our beliefs, it can make us feel alone, bad, wrong or crazy for having an opposing view. This is especially true when it comes from a friend – and not in person – but behind the comfort of social media where you can’t see the faces of those you’re challenging.

We can feel as though we’ve been personally attacked. We end up hurt, angry and feeling defensive.

As I explored my true feelings, I got to the core. The real reason I was so upset.

I didn’t feel like I belonged.

As a child, I often felt like an outsider. In my family, my church, my community. I didn’t think the same things as others. I was often told I was wrong. Sometimes I was ridiculed. And it didn’t feel good. I wanted to feel as though I belonged. I wanted others to get me, to really understand me and accept me for who I really was.

When I read the Facebook post that didn’t align with my beliefs and I read the comments that seemed like personal attacks, I felt as though I didn’t belong. And that sadness, that core fear, can bring out the worst in me.

The truth is I do belong. We all do.

As luck would have it, I had just posted a Facebook quote from Mother Theresa and it came to mind during my meditation. “If we have no peace, it’s because we’ve forgotten we belong to one another.” (We often teach what we need to learn and I definitely needed this reminder!)

Most people are good. Most are loving. Most are kind. We just don’t always know how to express our beliefs in a way that is respectful to others and I know I’m just as guilty.

I invited my friend, the commenters and anyone else that might agree with them to come into my meditation space. I just sat there, in their souls’ presence, sending them love, receiving theirs and remembering that we belong to one another.

After a few minutes, everything shifted. The anger was gone. The fear was gone. Love replaced those nagging feelings of not being liked, accepted or belonging.

No matter what is said or done, we will always have each other. Even if we lose sight of our humanity and wage battles of the tongue, heart or body, we cannot change the eternal truth that we will always belong to one another.

As we go through this week, let’s remember to be kind to one another, even if (actually, especially if) we disagree. At the end of the day, we all just want to belong.

With love,
Heather