It takes a village

The stakes have never been higher. 

As if the high-paying, powerful career, designer clothes, perfectly tidy and decorated house and portrait-perfect family isn’t enough, you also feel the need to be a perfect dinner party host, star volunteer and community supporter, loving parent that attends every school and sports activity (and throws elaborate birthday parties) and hip friend that captures picture perfect moments to share on social media.

It’s impossible to live up to the ridiculously high standard we have set for ourselves and, yet, we still try. It’s as if we’re all competing for the coveted title of Superwoman or Superman.

In our attempt to impress others (or simply avoid judgment), all we’re really doing is raising the bar for each other.

It’s unsustainable.

It’s EXHAUSTING.

What would happen if we give ourselves a break and let others off the hook?

What would happen if we (dare I say it?)…. ask for help?

If the thought of asking for help makes you shudder, I get it. I used to think asking for help was a sign of weakness or failure. Or that it meant I would owe something to someone.

I now realize I was just buying into what Brené Brown calls our cultural belief that exhaustion is a status symbol and productivity is a direct reflection of our self-worth.

It’s time to give up the struggle, be vulnerable and ask for help. 

If the concept of asking for help is as strange as a three-headed giraffe, here are some ideas to help you get started:

1. Delegate. If you’re a micro-manager or so focused on getting things done that you don’t stop to plan, take 5 minutes to create a to-do list and then delegate to others. Let others shine. Give them an opportunity to do their job well. (You’re not as indispensable as you think you are…)

2. Hire it out. If you have the extra income, invest in yourself by hiring out things that you don’t enjoy. You can hire almost anything to be done for you – food delivery service, lawn care, personal shopping, etc. There’s no need to feel guilty or selfish. You’re providing others with jobs and allowing yourself to show up more fully for what’s most important in your life.

3. Call on friends. Although this seems obvious, it’s amazing to me how few people ask their friends for help unless it’s a crisis. I get it, you don’t want to be a burden. But here’s the thing. Your friends love you. They know you’re not perfect. They want to be a part of your life and your success. Let them play the role they desire – an important person in your life that you trust like a family member. (Confession: I’m still working on this myself.)

4. Look to heaven. Relying on a higher power greater than yourself can provide comfort, clarity and guidance no matter the situation. When you’re in doubt about what to do or where to turn for help, ask for divine guidance. Pray, meditate and, most importantly, listen.

It takes a village.

That’s not something to be embarrassed about. It’s beautiful. It’s natural. Call on your tribe when you need help and offer your support in return.

If you’re brave enough to be vulnerable and show others that you don’t have it all together by asking for help, others will be relieved to know you’re human and it will give them permission to do the same.

In what ways can you ask for help or let others off the hook? Let me know in the comments below. 

We’re all in this together!

With love,

Heather